Since the Beginning
by Calie1
Summary: Marian remembers the past.


Title: Since the Beginning 

Author: Calie

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Marian remembers her and Robin's past.

Notes: This is my first Robin Hood (BBC) fic. I've ben debating writing one and I finally have. I hope you like it.

* * *

Marian had loved him since the beginning.

She'd known Robin from a very young age. Her father was the Sheriff of Nottingham and Robin's family had been very influential. Often Marian and her father dined with some of the most prominent family's and Robin's family had been one of them. They'd never really interacted together. He had been a few years older than her and had no time for a dainty little girl when he could run around with the boys. She'd follow him around Locksley, watching him play with the other boys but never included.

When she had turned thirteen her father had sat her down and told her what she thought of as a fairytale. He told her a wonderful story of a young girl betrothed to a young man. The young man, being much older than the girl, didn't pay much attention to her. As she approached her majority though and grew into a woman he became enamored of her. He fought off other suitors and pledged his undying love to her. Upon reaching the age of eighteen they were wed as planned and lived happily ever after.

At thirteen Marian had embellished her father's story. The only truth in the story was of the betrothal. Marian was betrothed to Robin of Locksley and was to be wed. Of course to a young girl infatuated with an older boy that sounded like heaven. Marian hadn't understood what her father really meant.

Marian never spoke with Robin of their impending engagement. In fact her father had ordered her not to; he said it would have been rude. She respected his wishes, more because she was to embarrassed to bring it up in front of Robin then fear of her father.

It was around her fifteenth birthday when Marian broke her silence. For years Marian had watched Robin talk to other girls, walk with them, give them flowers. All those times she would watch dreamily and would imagine it was her that he was showering with attention. A girl of sixteen felt a different sort of emotion though. Whether her feelings were justified Marian felt scandalized by his attention to other girls. Instead of talking to boys her father forced her to shoot a bow. Instead of flirting her father taught her how to handle a sword. Instead of spending time with Robin her father made her learn how to throw a dagger. While she worked and sweated for hours other girls were the object of Robin of Locksley's affection. His attitude was no longer endearing but egotistical. It was when she sat alone at her own birthday celebration that she was determined she hated him.

Her father was still sheriff which meant his only daughters birthday had to be a grand affair. Regardless of his gruffness and rigidness Marian was the dearest thing to his heart which meant she had to have the best. That also consisted setting her up with a suitable match. That supposed suitable match had so far danced with four women, all of which were older and more mature then the lonely sixteen year old sitting on her own. He whispered in their ears and made them laugh. He never did those things with Marian. In fact she can't remember the last time he had touched her. Not even a hand shake was good enough for her. Throughout the whole celebration he hadn't looked or talked to her once. Not even to wish her happy birthday. It wasn't until everyone was departing that he had approached her.

"Marian."

Before she even turned to the voice her face was set in stone and eyes hardened. It was hard to keep her mask in place when she turned to his grinning face but it was becoming easier and easier as the days went by. She wouldn't let him work his charms on her. "Yes?"

"I'm leaving." She cocked an eyebrow at him as if waiting for him to say something else. Earlier when he had debated on asking to dance with her he'd hesitated upon seeing the furious look on her face. Over the past year she'd gotten more independent and much more attitude and he wasn't quite sure if he wanted it directed at himself. "I'm coming to say goodbye."

"Goodbye." Marian said in a clipped tone and waited for his exit. Instead he grabbed her hand and in a shocking move bent to kiss it. She was surprised but not enough that she would allow him. She quickly pulled her hand back and narrowed her eyes at him. "How am I to know where your lips have been?" With that she turned and headed out of the hall.

For the first time ever Robin stood in shock at Marian's attitude. Some how he had angered her and he had no clue as to what he could have done. He'd always been very careful to keep his distance from her which made it difficult to understand her sudden anger. He didn't stand there shocked long. Robin quickly and quietly followed her. He didn't reveal himself though until they were far from prying eyes and ears. "Marian."

This time she was surprised by his voice. She spun around in shock, forgetting for a moment her anger at him. "What are you doing here?"

"I don't know." He leaned his shoulder against the stone wall and raised his eyebrows at her. "Perhaps you could tell me? After all you were the one who ran off rather rudely."

It wasn't hard for her to overcome her shock and become angry with him again. The nerve of him to call her rude. He had it coming and she didn't regret what she had said for a minute. "Really? Well if that's how you feel then there's nothing I can do about that." She said pertly and turned to leave again. This time he grabbed her wrist and she had to resist the urge to slap him. She should have slapped him just for the fact the he was following a young girl in the hallway and laid his hands on her. The last thing she needed was rumors of her and Robin alone in a hallway. "If you don't mind, take your hands off of me."

"I will when you tell me what I have done." She stood there in silence and he knew that she wasn't going to relent. She had been such a sweet girl then she turned into this feisty, independent, no nonsense girl that he wasn't quite sure how to handle. What ever he did he had to get a handle on it. If his parents found out about this he'd never hear the end of it.

"Well you'll be waiting a while. So will you please take your hand off of me sir?" Marian didn't pull her hand away from him she was bent on making him release her.

It was the formal tone of her voice and the 'sir' which made him let her go. Instead of forcing her to tell him what was wrong he had pushed her further away. She started to walk from him again so he decided to try another tactic. "You looked nice tonight Marian."

His words stung and ate at her heart. The same heart that had felt she had loved him since the beginning. Obviously she had been mistaken because he wasn't the boy she had believed he was. He didn't mean it; he was only using the same words on her that he did on all the other girls. Perhaps she should have been flattered that he had finally said the words she had been aching to hear for years. Instead she was hurt, hurt that she was the same as all the rest. Slowly she turned around and was determined to set him in his place. "Do not talk to me like those other girls."

Robin stepped forward now that he had gotten her attention and smiled. "There aren't other girls." He reached out for her hand again but she wasn't giving him an inch. She pulled it away and he finally had to admit that she was very frustrating for a sixteen year old. Being five years her senior they'd always been very different but now that she was nearing maturity he was starting to find out how different they really were.

"I'm not stupid or blind. In fact I am very observant and can see very well. I know what your empty flirtation looks like so don't use it on me." Once again she turned to leave him but he grabbed her hand and she'd decided she was going to kill him. With her free hand she reached into her hair, pulled the jewels holding out her hair, and held it at his throat.

It may have been a hair piece but Robin was well aware how sharp they could be. HE released her hand slowly but didn't move. Obviously he had pushed her a little to far. "Marian."

This time his voice was suggestive of flirting. It was soft and calm. Her fantasies of being the object of Robin's desires and turned into fantasies of making him pay for watching him and his conquests. A girl betrothed was kept from other men. Boys on the other hand were free to roam about. It wasn't fair to make him force her to watch him woo other girls. Just like her other fantasy hadn't come true neither would her new one. Instead she dropped her hand and turned to leave.

Every other attempt to get and explanation out of her had failed. All he had left was the truth. "Is this about us?"

Marian didn't stop. "There isn't an us Robin."

"I mean our engagement." He'd finally voiced the topic that was on everyone's minds and it must have been on hers also because she stopped. When she didn't turn or speak to him he walked slowly over to her and stood behind her. It was on his thirteenth birthday that he was made aware of his engagement to and eight year old. It had been ludicrous to him at the time to imagine himself marrying that skinny boney girl that followed him around like a puppy. After that he'd decided to keep his distance from her. The whole situation made him uncomfortable and it was easier to stay away. Even when she was made aware of their engagement he still kept his silence. At the time he had been eighteen and had no interest in a thirteen year old girl he was to marry. Instead he had been slightly embarrassed of it and made sure none of the woman he entertained knew of it. Now that she was sixteen and growing into a woman's body he wasn't sure what he was to do with her.

Marian turned to him and was determined to look him in the eye. "I don't appreciate being made a fool of while you entertain other woman at my own birthday. In the future perhaps be more discreet."

Robin had expected her to order him away from other woman but not for her to ask him to see other woman in private. While he knew he had done nothing wrong he did feel a small bit of guilt for even the small things she had seen. For the longest time she had been a small girl to him and he had missed the point where she had moved on into a young woman. "Should I have entertained you instead?" Robin asked and smiled down at her.

He was flirting with her again and she wouldn't stand for it. "No."

"Why not?" She seemed almost shocked at his question and he was satisfied with that.

"Why not? Because I don't want to be entertained." Marian said the word nastily.

"Why not though?" Her loosened hair was scattered on her shoulders and he couldn't resist pushing it back. She stepped back as if stung but he didn't move.

"Don't start Robin." Marian warned. She didn't know what his motivation was but it couldn't have been good.

"You did look lovely tonight Marian." Robin tilted his head and smiled at her. Her anger had started to give way to worry. It wasn't the emotion he was going for but it was better then angry he supposed.

"Don't use your fake flirting on me Robin. There's no point. We're betrothed regardless. You don't have to make me love you and you don't have to love me." It had taken her a while to come to that conclusion and although she had become used to the idea she'd never said it out loud. Saying it to Robin made it even more painful. She had a feeling if she looked into his eyes any longer he'd finally see how much pain he had really put her through. It was hard to leave him but she turned and started to walk away. A hand slipped into hers gently and she stopped. When she found herself being pulled back around she didn't fight him. It had been hard enough to walk away from him before, it was impossible then. "Please don't say anything Robin, it doesn't mean much."

His mother had warned him against hurting the feelings of an impressionable young girl. He hadn't listened. He also hadn't listened when he mother told him to be open to the idea of caring for Marian. After all, how could he when he was told she was the girl he had to marry. Even as she had gotten older he hadn't paid much attention to her. She had never been open and inviting or beautiful. She'd been more of a quite, simple girl. Even at sixteen she still looked like a young girl. Of course not many girls had the ability to use their hair pins as a dagger. He knew what training her father put her through and Robin had a feeling if she had wanted to she could have killed him.

"Robin," she said eventually in an attempt to break the uncomfortable silence, "we shouldn't be here like this."

Robin tried to reason with himself that it didn't mater. Of course she shouldn't have been there alone with a man but they were betrothed to one another after all. No one else should have had the right to be alone with her but he should have. At the time Robin hadn't realized the possessive track his thoughts were taken.

"Robin?" Marian asked gently. His was looking so intently and thoughtfully at her she forgot about her anger and the inappropriateness of their situation and just studied him.

Without thinking of the consequences or her reaction, Robin brought a hand up to her cheek and lowered his head. She put a hand on his chest but didn't push him away.

"What are you doing? I told you that you don't have to do this." It was painful for her to tell him that when she had wanted nothing more than his attention for years. But now that she finally had it she found she didn't want it unless it was the real thing, unless he really cared for her.

"I know. But I want to." Robin finally touched his lips to hers. He would have bet his own life that she would have pushed him or stabbed him with her hair pin but she didn't. Instead she stood there as still as a statue. When he moved his lips against hers she responded and he stepped forward to wrap his arm around her waste. There was nothing girlish about the body in his arms or the way she was kissing him. It was all a surprise to him as was his sudden attraction and desire for her.

Marian slid her hands up his chest and gripped his shoulders. For years Marian had imagined what her first kiss would be like and on most of those occasions she imagined herself being kissed by Robin. None of her fantasies could have prepared for the real thing. Her fantasies were nothing compared to his kisses or the feeling of being pressed against his hard bodyl. It was exciting and made her throw all her reservations out the window. For a moment she understood why all those foolish girls giggled and smiled at Robin. He could easily make a girl lose all her inhibitions. Marian could also get used to the idea of being with someone who kissed her like that. He made her forget everything except him. It wasn't until she heard footsteps and voices that she came back to herself and pushed him away. "Are you crazy?"

Robin breathed heavily and looked at her as if she was the one that had lost his mind. "No." So much for being shy and girly he though. Robin rested his hand on her hip and tried to pull her back to him but she was having none of it that time. She pushed him again and he knew the moment was gone. "Well maybe."

"Obviously. Robin…" Marian began to chastise him but knew by the smirk on his face it would do no good. Against her better judgment she smiled softly. "You can't expect that to work on me."

"No?" He smiled. He could tell she was fighting it but she continued to smile at him.

"Goodbye Robin." Marian turned to leave but he grabbed her hand. For a moment she feared or perhaps hoped that he would kiss her again. To her pleasant surprise he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it gently.

"My lady." Robin released her hand and smirked again at the blush on her face. She turned without another word and headed down the hallways. "See you tomorrow then?" She stopped, turned to him, and seemed to want to say something but she just shook her head with a small smile and continued on her way. She didn't believe him but he definitely planned on seeing her the next day.

* * *

He'd come the next day and for almost everyday after that for about eight months. He would come by himself and sometimes with Much. Sometimes he'd dine with her and her father and other times he'd come and practice with her. Then eight months after their first kiss he left her. He'd come to her with promises of returning in a few months and then he would marry her. Although he had the option of waiting till her eighteenth birthday he said he wouldn't. She'd been upset by his absence but she hung on to his promises. The promises that gave her hope soon grew into empty promises over a year later. Five years had gone by and no word had come from him.

When he did come home she was determined that they were both two totally different people. They couldn't possibly be the same two people that had been determined to be together. After all, he had left her for five years. He hadn't cared that much had he?

* * *

"Robin?"

"Hmmm?"

"You remember my sixteenth birthday?" He should, it had only been about six years ago.

"How could I forget?" Robin rolled over and wrapped an arm around her waste from behind.

"I don't know." She snuggled back against him and relished in the warmth of his bare body. "When you kissed me. Why? I mean what did it really mean?"

"That I love you." Robin nestled her neck and pressed a kiss against it.

"Come on." She laughed. "You didn't love me then."

"Mmmhmm." He slid his hand down her bare thigh then back up again. Although it had been months since she had left Guy at the alter it had only been almost a couple of months since Robin had gotten his name cleared. It had only been a month since he had finally taken Marian as his bride. Since then he'd done his best to keep her in bed with him and just enjoying being with her in every sense of the word. "Maybe I didn't know it then but I do now." He cupped her breast in one hand and rubbed his thumb across it. "How long have you loved me?"

Marian turned over onto her back and smiled up at him. "Since the beginning."


End file.
